Erin on Exchange

WEEK THREE ! It’s a shorter one this week, I think I’m hitting my neurodivergent limit of social interaction and attempting to initiate/maintain connections/friendships I don’t feel 100% in, so.

Monday began a slow week, one which has probably been one of the hardest mentally since I’ve been here. I was up at 9 for a lecture at 10, although I then got to the bus stop and realised along with the other 60 uni students waiting that there’d been a water pipe burst and all of our buses were being diverted up to three stops up from the one we were at. Deciding against walking the 25 minutes to uni for a 50 minute lecture I’d miss the first ten minutes of, I turned around and headed back to bed and slept in until 3pm. I think Monday kind of sent the tone for the whole week – isolation, no initiation of talking to people, being left out of planning and catching up with people.

Tuesday saw a little bit of sun (!!!!) After my 12-1:30 tutorial, I headed to the Manchester Museum Café again, where I had another AUD$9 coffee and worked on last weeks blog post. Had a tuna and mayo from Co op (because I refuse to spend £9 on a stale museum sandwich) before heading to the sociology lecture. This week is about changing intimacy and what people prioritise/classify as important in relationships across history which has been interesting. Stopped in Lidl to buy some mince and some basics and promised myself to never go back there after 6pm.

On Wednesday I had another 12-1:30 tutorial, and then I headed into the city centre to try to buy a few things I needed – a small backpack so I can take underneath seating on RyanAir instead of paying £29 extra each time I fly, soap dispenser thingy, a pot to hold my toothbrush in, an extra towel and face cloths, and a photo frame. I also printed out AUD$24 worth of photos for my room. I then came home to decorate. (More posters to come).

Thursday is one of my annoying class days – a 1-3pm History of Medicine tutorial, and then a 2 hour break before my sociology tutorial. History of Med this week was on the taxonomy classifications and how humans were classified as ‘mammals’ (surprise, it was rooted in misogyny). It would be even more interesting if the Professor wasn’t so aggressive with his questions but it is what it is I guess. Two hours of sociology prep later, and I was in the tutorial, describing how friendships do/don’t fit into some sociologist’s version of a ‘pure relationship’ and how the digital space has changed these. I was then convinced (pretty easily to be honest) into a pub crawl, which ended at around 1am with me wanting to save myself for the next night (I should’ve just gone all out tbh). Called mum, dad & Kai, to which Kai stayed on the phone with me until 4 in the morning before finally letting me sleep.

FRIDAY WAS MY BIRTHDAY AHHHH 21, which I turned mid-pub crawl and thankfully only had one person sing happy birthday to me (thank you Mary for not singing loudly). The day itself started at 12pm, when I woke up to get to my 3pm lecture. My 4-6 was a little rough, but we got through and then it was home to get ready ! Everyone turned up at mine at 9:30ish, and after asking people explicitly to not bring people I didn’t already know/hadn’t already met to pres, I met another three people anyway. I finished a bottle of wine before they all got there, enough to allow me to shut the fuck up when they all 1, turned up without glasses/mugs and wanted to use all of my flatmates without me asking (no ???) and 2, used my fireball I bought myself without asking me (regardless of Mary buying them all vodka + cranberry juice specifically for that night). We had a cake and I almost burnt my hair off with the candles. I was drunk when we left, and so was Julie (the main culprit of thieving my fireball) because not even 200m away from my flat she began her “JE VAIS FAIRE PIPI !!” (i need to pee!), and didn’t stop until we got off of the bus in the city and began the chain of public urination (not me though guys, I promise).

We finally got to Blues Kitchen, and it felt like we only spent an hour or so there before people were good to go, I wasn’t drunk enough, feeling like shit mentally, people kept disappearing (including five of them to go take a photobooth photo without me), and no one wanted to keep going to Brewer’s, the gay club in the Village which I still haven’t been to yet. By the time people complained enough I gave up and went back with them to get a Burger Box instead of joining my flatmates or another exchange group at Brewers. I then called Mia while eating & then went to bed.

I was up at midday or so on Saturday, unfortunately (?) not hungover (if I was going to be hungover anytime ever, I would’ve preferred it to be after my 21st), and didn’t do much all day. I woke up to drama, when I was told my main four friends (idk atp) had been invited to Julie’s house in Lyon without me in April, and two other girls who I’d barely met were invited, but I hadn’t been (guys we’re not in high school, why are we leaving people out of plans). Anyways. It’s sorted now but it’s pissed me the fuck off. I went to another planning meeting, resulting in another three hours of a very opinionated girl controlling everything and telling us what to book for when, on a whim, without thinking everything through and I’m starting to get frustrated trying to travel with them.

Sunday began bright and early, however, as Mary and I were on the bus to York for a day trip! I had about 3 and a half hours of sleep, and left for the bus at 8. It was a two hour drive to York, which we got to at 10. I’d arranged with Tabi (exchange student from York who came to UWA in Jul ’24 – Jun ’25) to meet for coffee, but being half an hour early we went to Clifford’s Tower first, then walked up the Shambles. Tabi met us in the city and took us to Heppni Bakeri, a cute little pastry shop, and I got a coffee and a lemon pastry. After talking for a little, she gave us some recommendations and left to study while we worked our way up through the Shambles properly. We walked up past the Minster, around to the Abbey and up to the very pretty city walls. After grabbing a bagel and a Yorkshire tea in the Shambles for a later lunch, we walked down to Clifford’s Tower again and sat near the river again. After a walk up and around the river we had a pit stop in the Wetherspoons before hopping back on the bus again for 5:45pm, arriving back into Manchester for 7:20.

Right.

Things I’ve done since last week:

• Decorate my room so it feels less like a prison cell.
• Find the best post-night out food (BURGER BOX !!)
• Take Facebook mum photos for shits n gigs.
• Stop being terrified to walk into my own flat’s kitchen. (mostly)

Things I’ve added to my growing list of goals:

• stop saying yes to travelling with that group
• grow a pair and tell the ones bossing people around / making everyone do what they want to do to actually calm the fuck down and that i can do whatever i want in the city i want to go to
• explain to them how to find a good, cheap hostel instead of giving in to letting them buy airbnb’s.
• force myself into other people’s plans more often/invite myself to things because apparently that’s the only way to make friends over here
• have more coffee mornings with the other australian erin
• plan a solo trip & feel like i’m not actually being a failure for travelling with no one else

Time for some Exchange Superlatives !!

Most Likely to Develop a Situationship by Accident – Sophia x

Most Likely to End Up in a Different City by Sunday – all of us xx

Most Committed to the Bit – Carina

Most Likely to Say “It Builds Character” – Georgia

Most Likely to Befriend Someone’s Entire Flat – Carina

Most Likely to Romanticise a Tesco Meal Deal – Me

Most Likely to Say Yes Before Thinking – Yoojin

Most Likely to Be Recognised by a Bartender – Melbourne Erin or Sophia

Most Likely to Start a Deep Life Conversation in a Loud Club – Me (kms)

Most Likely to Say “No Honestly I’m Fine” (They Are Not Fine) – Me (again)

Most Likely to Accidentally Lead the Group – not accidentally but Georgia & Julie together are bossy

Most Likely to Miss Their Train But Make It Cinematic – Julie

Most Likely to Say “Wait Guys” Every 3 Minutes – Yoojin

Most Likely to Adopt a British Phrase Permanently – Me & Georgia

Most Likely to Forget Their Bank Balance Exists – Georgia

Most Likely to Suggest a Trip at 1am – Georgia

Most Likely to Actually Wake Up for the 8am – all of us bc we’re tracked for attendance xx (but

Most Likely to Overpack for a Night Out – Georgia

Most Likely to Underpack for a Weekend Trip – Yoojin (but effectively tbh)

Most Likely to Spiral Over Nothing and Then Be Fine – Me

Most Likely to Be the Reason Plans Happen – Melbourne Erin

Most Likely to Develop an Accent for 48 Hours – Me (unintentionally)

Who is most likely to ignore a phone call? – Me

Who is most likely to wear socks with sandals? – Georgia & I

Who is most likely to eat cereal for dinner? – Mary

Who is most likely to survive an alien abduction? – Yoojin

…

Anyways, that’s it, sorry for the shorter & very late post xxx

See you all next week

Welcome to week two. Theme of this week is me trying to get my life actually in order over here. I think that is the one critique I’ve had of the timing of this exchange – I’ve struggled trying to organise admin and life (e.g. buying pots) whilst simultaneously trying to fit in study and going to classes, etc. I would’ve loved to have an o-week of sorts (or at least move in the week before) to avoid jumping straight into classes.

On Monday I was up until 3 in the morning, and I have now added ‘fix my sleep schedule’ to my goals list. The flat across from me still has their Christmas tree up in their common room and I can see it through the gap in my window. Woke up for 8:30 to get the bus in for a 10am lecture, and finally sat with neuroscience friends in Motor Systems. I’m a little torn as to whether to change the class or not. I have friends in it, and it is incredibly easy (“this is the structure of a muscle” easy (Year 11 PE Studies kind of easy)) so likely won’t actually cover what I need for my 3rd year Neuro unit at UWA (but hey, they approved it so). But the benefit to easy is I have that hour to focus on my Drugs & the Brain unit, which is both interesting and incredibly difficult.

After the lecture, I followed the group into a Coffee & Chat with the neuroscience lecturers which was interesting until they started talking about improvements for their practical classes (I don’t have any), and so I anxiously left with some of them at 11:45.

Tuesday came with yet another morning of rain and lack of sleep (who’s surprised anymore). I had a 12-1:30 tutorial, and then sat in the Museum Café for the 2 and a half hours before my sociology lecture at 4pm. Not terrible coffee – it’s surprisingly drinkable, if I get a cappuccino and forget they asked me yet again whether I want cocoa powder on the top. Yes. I do. It is also $8.85 a coffee, so not sustainable.

I sat with a friend (?) that I’ve made in sociology and we struggled through the full two hours together. Definitely made harder by the time (6pm is way too late to finish a lecture). The content would be interesting if the lecturer wasn’t the slowest and most over-explaining lecturer in the world (it took them 20 minutes to get through 5 slides, and got through 20 of 55 total in the 2 hrs). This week is about the impact of global contexts (e.g. Covid) on the temporality of life trajectories (in a simple version – how things such as covid has influenced our ‘delayed’ adulthood like leaving home later, as well as changing relationship dynamics + timings). It’s been interesting to take a class so completely outside of what I’d normally do at home, but I’m so glad the 100% exam is pass-fail at 40% pass mark, because in no way am I prepared to do very well lol.

Showered and was therefore late to travel planning (seemingly every second day currently), but have now booked trips for Feb 13-15th, Feb 27th – Mar 1st, Mar 14-15th. I will keep locations secret until I write about them properly.

I’ve been thinking about my birthday in a week and a half, and will probably hold a pres at my flat (flatmates approval and a “you don’t have to ask, you know that right??” was received). They seem pretty keen to come out with us so we’ll see whether they do. Not sure of who to invite from neuro, it’s a big group so probably wouldn’t want them all. Maybe I’m doing a little better than I thought I was. I think the only thing I regret is putting Unsworth down instead of Woolton first because all three of the Woolton girls are within five doors of each other and it seems a lot more social (although loud like Fresher wing Cats – Julie has a guy across the corridor from her who is a DJ).

Mary’s kitchen in her Unsworth flat is disgusting (unlike my clean 2nd/3rd yr flatmates, she was stuck with a friend group of freshers who fight over who needs to unclog both of the kitchen sinks again this week), and so I’ve told her to come over tomorrow night for a big batch of bolognese I’ll finally make. Apparently she’s been living off cheese she’s stashed in a desktop fridge, apples, and peanut M&Ms. Bless her heart.

Wednesday was a good day :) Didn’t do much again until 10:30am when I finally paid for my accomodation (my bank account is crying), and left for a single tutorial at uni (12-1:30). Came home and called mum until 3pm, and gave myself phone time before starting to cook my bolognese at 4pm. I watched some winter olympics on the tv while stirring and bored, and met Laelia another of my flatmates, who’s doing dentistry. Mary then came over and witnessed my crashout over attempting to cook and serve pasta without a spaghetti spoon/server.

I then met Hannah, another flatmate (lives next to me) who had been locked out of her room and had to use my phone to call the RAs.

So the flatmates I’ve currently met: Nilly, Jack, Eric, Hannah, Hayley, Laelia.
Yet to meet – Cassidy, Zane.

Me and Mary were supposed to join Yoojin, Julie and Georgia for a games night at Woolton Hall, but it fell through last minute so we just watched more Olympics before going back to our own rooms.

I then set up my posters and photos, and then promptly ordered more to come in about a week or two. Did some prep for tutorials tomorrow, and then went to bed.

Thursday was a morning of no rain ! but still grey skies so also no sun. Had my weekly dose of adrenaline being woken up at exactly 11am for the weekly fire alarm testing (louder and more aggressive than St Cat’s alarm) and was half asleep as I (for a second week running) dressed as if the building was truly on fire. I could’ve stayed in bed. Instead, I left the flat at 11:10 with sheet lines on my face, shaking, and running on cortisol.

I did some more prep for my History of Medicine tutorial, and then went to said tutorial for 1-3pm. It was followed by my sociology tutorial where the topic of ‘expected temporality’ was timing of motherhood and how it’s weaponised by people like JD Vance with his ‘childless cat lady’ takes.

It was then home to get ready for yet another exchange social, this time at the Courtyard. I believe there were also exchanges there from MMU because it was incredibly overwhelming with the number of people that turned up. I met Will from UWA (BPhil too) who I knew existed but hadn’t realised he was over here, and his Melburnian friend George. It was nice to meet some more Aussies. Mary and I left at 10 to pack for tomorrow’s trip.

Friday

Was late to uni, thanks to my detour back to my dorm to pick up my lock I didn’t end up needing, and so had to walk into my lecture 5 minutes late and carrying my stupidly large backpack. I left early from the second lecture I had from 4-6pm as it turned into an active learning tutorial style where we were supposed to answer exam style questions from content I had not done. I then caught the bus to the Flixbus stop after my sandwich dinner (again). I had a window seat (unfortunately), and struggled through the full four and a half hours from 7pm to 11pm. When finally in London we had to take the metro for half an hour and walk another 10 because the hostel was nowhere near the city centre.

Saturday started at 9:45 when we left the hostel en route for Buckingham Palace for 10:30. Watched the second half of Origin while waiting in the freezing cold BUT SUNSHINE !!!! Love Julie but I genuinely think she asked ChatGPT to plan this London trip as she had not looked into any of the activities herself, resulting in us staying at the gates all the way up until 11:05am when they finally believed me when I said the Change of Guard only happened Monday/Wednesday/Friday/Sunday at Buckingham. Anyways, here’s Buckingham photos x.

After Buckingham we stopped for a brunch at a small café I had a scrambled eggs on toast at, and another disappointing Cappuccino (although I was appreciative of being able to feel my fingers again)

We then made our way to Portobello Road (Notting Hill) for the coloured houses and markets. Again, loved it, but it wasn’t so conducive to a group of six or so – I would’ve preferred to go by myself (& will probably do so when I go again alone in May/June). I was getting a little frustrated by the number of times someone wouldn’t tell people where they were going only to then ask in the group chat where we were and then we’d have to wait for 10 minutes for them to catch up to us again (just walk at ur own pace & then meet at the end is it that hard??). We bumped into the other group of exchanges who had staggered days (Saturday – Monday) resulting in the big group photo. I would’ve bought some cute trinkets and spent longer in the vintage/op shops but people wanted to move on so.

I will say, this trip has been a humiliation ritual of sorts. Travelling with people who care little for volume control, social respect or general common sense has been difficult. Because WHY on a public fucking metro, are you talking loudly (apparently without knowledge of the volume) about how me and Mary are forming a ‘triplet’ with a random stranger if I put on sunglasses, and talking about his music taste as if he can’t hear you through his headphones (newsflash, he can) while trying to convince me to put said sunglasses on so you can take a photo. Please witness in the below gallery, the series of both my increasing discomfort, and the moment the man got up to walk and sit at a different seat.

Anyway.

After finally getting off the metro, we got into the city centre to do the typical tourist rounds – Big Ben, Westminster, London Eye, etc.

Then again with the lack of survival skills, three of the group walked straight into the anti-government Iranian protest of around 4000 people that was blocking every major road in the middle of London from Trafalgar square to the Iranian Embassy near Kensington. Despite my clear refusal to walk through a protest for my own safety, the three told me “it isn’t that dangerous” (as if ‘Public protests and events that draw large crowds can turn violent. Stay away,’ isn’t the first safety precaution listed on SmartTraveller AU) and continued walking. The other three of us (Mary, Carina & I) decided to walk around (unaware of the extent of the protest), and spent time at Big Ben taking photos, and then walked through St James’ park.

After finally asking a cop which way to walk to avoid the protest, we got into Soho and up to Hamley’s, the famous five floor toy store. After some photobooth photos and banana pudding served by a brilliant woman in costume, we left to find dinner in Chinatown. Somehow, the two groups of three were split again and Mary, Carina and I ended up at New Young Cheng. We had a very good but expensive dinner (but I feel like that’s normal for London), before taking the metro back to our hostel.

We got alcohol on the way home (buzzballs are disgusting but they get you drunk) and then got ready to go out. Once everyone (except me) was sufficiently drunk we left for Ministry of Sound, supposedly one of the best clubs in London. It was a $40 uber there (in which Julie calling the Tower Bridge the twin towers), $40 ENTRY with a student discount (what the fuck!!!), and $28 for a double rum and coke I didn’t even ask for (I asked for a rum & coke, and apparently the default was a double??). I really wanna forget how much I spent. The music was so horrible and everyone was hating it, and we moved upstairs to a slightly better mix (although still shit). It was packed and I was so overstimulated, nowhere near drunk enough and not very happy. I did however, stop a fight happening (between two men duh) before it got serious (over one man accidentally bumping into another’s gf) and the other girls in the group thought it was kinda cool the way I intuitively moved and separated them while five other men just stood there not knowing what to do (help ???). A few more elbows into backs later and we decided it was time to call it a night. Another $50 uber home, comprised of me trying to get a very drunk Julie to say squirrel (thank you to Ana who provided her with some calm the next morning with her own contribution). Georgia then had a crash out to me afterwards on the phone with her bf over Julie suggesting we were “big backs” for having superstitious Maccas after every night out.

Sunday morning did not include a hangover (thankfully), although again filled with some frustration as people were still sleeping at 9:30 before our checkout at 10, and we only just narrowly avoided the £8 fee. It was, however, raining constantly. I was so thankful for my choice of coats, and layered perfectly for the day – thermal, shirt, hoodie, puffer, raincoat. Although I had no umbrella, I stayed drier than the other four girls who had them.

We walked to breakfast at Café Rouge, at which it was £17 for an incredibly average eggs benny and cappuccino that may as well have been the 50p cheaper flat white. I was so glad I didn’t fall victim to the scam that was add-on avocado/hashbrowns/eggs like Julie and Georgia did (£2.50 for half an unripe avocado and £1.90 for half of a scrambled egg is insane). It led to Julie writing a review for them on Google reviews in french before she’d even touched her food (rightly so), and a thorough explanation as to how french toast is ‘poor people’s food’ and it shouldn’t be £10 in the first place.

We then headed to Borough Markets and another overwhelming crowd I was sick of, with people yelling at us to get out of the way (WHERE AM I SUPPOSED TO GO MAN).

Millennium Bridge was next (and what convinced me that Julie ChatGTP’d the itinerary because no-one except me knew it was in Harry Potter), and then everyone gave up walking through the rain and so we ducked into Tate Modern, the art gallery. I need to go back there by myself I think, as they had a wonderful book selection in the shop, as well as interesting exhibits that the other girls practically ran through while mocking them (“WHY IS A TOILET CONSIDERED ART??” idk girl, maybe look around at the images on the walls surrounding the toilet, and also the description and you’ll get an appreciation for why it’s there in the first place – the exhibit it was in was quite literally ‘How does the body relate to the material structures of the everyday world?’ and the surrounding photographs of men cruising in toilets when being gay was illegal added to the display quite literally questioning how the space of the public toilet questions visibility and art. Anyways.) Similarly, in the next exhibit was a wooden structure filled with normal objects and Julie went on a tangent about how her umbrella could be considered art. I felt like saying girl you brought us to a modern art museum and up to the exhibit that questions what can be considered art and now you’re mad at the exhibit??? Like yes, if you’d read the exhibit summary you’d know it’s about how religious significance can turn normal everyday objects into art??

Anyway.

We then walked across Millennium Bridge when it stopped raining (YAY!) to St Paul’s Cathedral, before getting to the nearby shopping centre we’d hoped to kill two hours at (it’s Sunday, surprise! Nothing’s open!). We gave up and took the metro back to Victoria where our bus was leaving from, and walked around the Station’s shopping centre for a little, bought lunch and then decided to walk back to Buckingham Palace for a bit. It was then finally time to board our Flixbus back to Manchester, and I finally got both an aisle seat and no-one next to me, so it was a good drive back that went more quickly than the drive down. Once back I took the digi’s off the camera, showered and finally fell into my own bed (thank fuck!)

Sorry for that lengthy recap of every thought I’ve had xx

Now here are things I’ve accomplished since my last goals list:

• bought pots and pans
• stopped being scared of the kitchen (mostly)

Things I have added to my goals list:

• buy a decent going out jacket (preferably for both winter & summer).
• get ears repierced.
• stop spending an absurd amount of money.
• go to sleep earlier (why is it 4am rn).

Things I miss list:

• sunsets with colour (especially beach sunsets)
• actually just the sun in general
• non-rainy days
• friends who know me fully

Some poetry because I need to get more comfortable sharing I think (pls don’t judge me lol). They vary as to when I wrote them, what year/month. Also idk formatting, these are three individual pieces without any titles to them.

Song of the week:

I knew going into exchange that it would be hard. It’s everything I hate. Change. Being away from the people I love with absolutely no support around me. Unpredictable conversations with no set script. Self-reliance in every aspect.

I am proud of myself for a lot this week. I’ve sat in the uncomfortable and have overcome mental blocks. I’ve forced myself to meet new people in so many new situations. I’ve started conversations and carried them when whoever I’m meeting is somehow worse at talking than I am (which I wasn’t sure was possible). I’ve had to navigate every single minute of my life without any guidance whatsoever (although I still don’t know how the bin system works in the flat). And yet, I feel still so far behind everyone else here. I have pushed my comfort zone, stretching every single strand of my being to make sure I am not alone.

To very quickly recap the events of the last week:

On Saturday I moved in. Took a train down from Glasgow and arrived into the station at which I decided I would sacrifice the extra £2 to get an Uber instead of figuring out the bus system whilst simultaneously dragging upwards of 30kg with me. Once arrived I (stupidly) walked straight past the massive map that would’ve told me where the Fallowfield reception was, and instead tried pushing three locked doors. The silence made me even more anxious. After ringing ResLife (the RAs) and a grumpy response of “we’re not on duty”, he came down to point out the stupidly large sign on the reception block visible from where I had been. Keys collected, I found my flat (again, in the deathly silent move in day, what is with that ???).

I made myself leave the flat (eventually) to buy a duvet and pillows at the nearest store (45 mins away) after I realised there was absolutely no-one else there. I still desperately need a mattress protector, I’m currently sleeping on a rock. I met two other exchanges for dinner, one from UPenn (Yoojin) and another from UVM (Mary). We realised the severe lack of dinner places in our area and so I experienced Americans trying British Maccas for the first time (“they have SALAD????”). We met a few other exchanges at the Wetherspoons (Sophia (Tennessee), Erin (Melbourne), Georgia (Sydney), Amy (Sydney), Julie (Lyon, France), Rachel (Ottawa)).

On Sunday, I locked myself away in my room (what a surprise !) and allowed myself out when it hit 7pm to go to dinner at a pizza place around the corner (Haus) with the exchanges I’d met the night before. It turned into a surprise comedy show including two incredibly unfunny men trying crowd work, and then a lovely woman came on with a brilliantly funny planned set to save the night. They then had the audacity to ask for a £3 donation after I sat through two hours of uncomfortably homophobic jokes (not made any better by his attempt at demonstrating scissoring to a straight girl) (??) and whose best part of his set was a poem written by someone else in the audience about their Fresher year.

Monday, I had a single lecture at 10am, grabbed a coffee with Yoojin and did some admin (by admin I mean in reality I was planning future hypothetical weekend trips). I suggested the weekly pub quiz at the student union to a group of 15 girls, which was brilliant until another 40 exchanges turned up after the quiz finished and I got overwhelmed. We made it into a new bar, where 5 of us listed our Rose (good thing), Bud (something to look forward to) and a Thorn (a not so good thing) of our day. Owen (sorry for the random names, you’ll just have to go with it) then explained the order I should watch the Drag Races in, of which I cannot remember anything order other than starting with Season 5?? I came home and forced myself to finally meet my flatmates (3 of 9 of them at least), Nilly, Jack and Eric.

Tuesday was another day of classes, including sociology (why did I do that to myself). I had coffee with Nilly and Jack after walking through the underwhelming (yet somehow overwhelming) Refreshers Club Fair. I then forced myself to go completely alone to the neuroscience society’s pub crawl and almost did not go. One of the hardest things I’ve done all week, but I figured I’d have to meet some proper Brits at some point. All of them were very nice, and after a few drinks I wondered why I even have anxiety in the first place. Walked home from the local club (256) in the rain and ‘feels-like’ -8 degree weather in a shirt, carrying my cheese chips & gravy.

Wednesday, I had another class and then I avoided going to buy my pots and pans that I needed to cook my own dinners. I then sat in a Starbucks for 5 hours attempting to plan Dublin for St Paddy’s Day (which was never going to work, even before 22 people turned up to the planning meeting). A London weekend was planned instead for Valentine’s Day weekend. I then had a crash out when five of what will probably become my closest friends here booked Dublin flights for this weekend and then gave me two hours to decide whether I was coming or not (the answer was eventually no). It was probably the first moment I processed my burning fear of not being included and anxiety to try and do everything with everyone and make proper close friendships.

On Thursday I had classes until 6, and so effectively crashed when I got back to the flat and didn’t move until 2pm the next afternoon to go to my Friday classes.

Throughout Friday I was trying to avoid thinking about the Dublin trip I was missing, and after buying alcohol for the first time in a grocery store (weird experience but cheap Fireball and wine, so) I joined the neuroscience group again for a pres before going clubbing for the first time. Thank you to the £3 bottle of Sainsbury’s wine I bought, you were horrible but you did the job. I looked like a drenched rat throughout, and I really hope it stops raining here soon (it won’t). I will need to buy a good going out coat. Burger Box was also a truly life-changing post-club meal.

Saturday was surprisingly only half made up of sleeping off the hangover, and I met five other girls out for Pho in the city and thrift shopping. It was here that one of the girls said there were already established friendships, so no one needed to worry about people not including you in anything.

Hence my generational crash out today and feeling like an incredible failure of exchange. Because while I have been friendly with people, I feel as if I have prioritised trying to meet everyone over meeting a few and making strong friendships with those few. The other Erin told me I was doing the best out of everyone she’s met, but have I really? I’m not so sure. I don’t have a strong connection with anyone. I don’t make friends that easily.

Regardless, it took me until 3pm to submit to walking to Sainsbury’s yet again to buy a sandwich for dinner. Tomorrow I really need to buy my pots and pans. And maybe some posters for my room.

On Tuesday night, someone asked me what my goals were for exchange. I hadn’t given any thought to goals until that moment, so my answers of ‘be able to pick which part of the UK people come from by their accent’, ‘travel’ and ‘make friends before my birthday’ were wildly unprepared. When I thought about it more by myself afterwards I came up with my non-exhaustive list of goals.

• Convince myself that I can say no and mean it.
• Say yes to more opportunities.
• Sit on every public bench in the city at least once.
• Stop caring about my weight because no one actually gives a fuck.
• Visit Iceland to see the northern lights.
• Visit Morocco because I need balance after Iceland.
• Make at least one friendship I feel comfortable to not mask in.
• Pass my classes and actually understand what I was meant to be studying.
• Finally buy my pots and pans and become an almost functioning adult so I can stop eating sandwiches for dinner.
• Decorate my room so it feels less like a prison cell.
• Compliment more people without overthinking it.
• Write prose/poetry/essays more consistently.
• Learn to sit with discomfort instead of running from it.
• Submit assessments on time.
• Collect trinkets and memories and little things.
• Learn to communicate instead of disappearing, and to text first without overthinking it.
• Find a coffee shop with decent enough coffee that my first thought isn’t “I miss Australian coffee”.
• Be dramatic only when it’s artistically justified.
• Cook at least three meals that aren’t pasta or mince.
• Let go of the urge to constantly reinvent myself to be liked.
• Document everything in photos but also videos, because I don’t take nearly enough videos.
• Make at least one impulsive but harmless decision.
• Figure out who I am when no one is watching.
• Kiss a girl (or anyone really).
• Go on solo dates and not feel judged.
• Become the kind of person younger me needed.
• Keep a running list of quotes and ‘only on exchange’ moments.
• Find a good sunset spot.
• Stop Googling health symptoms.
• Romanticise my 30-minute bus ride into uni. Or walk to save money.
• Find the best post-night out food and stop being so afraid of kebab shop chicken.
• On a similar note, eat something off of a street pop-up shop purely because it looks sketchy (may as well get rid of my emetophobia while I’m overseas too).
• Start finding clothes I’m comfortable in.
• Take Facebook mum photos for shits n gigs.
• Stop being terrified to walk into my own flat’s kitchen.

My goal for next week in particular is to stop putting so much pressure on myself to make those strong connections quickly, because lets be honest, even my closest friends had to yap at me for at least a month before I even considered them close to me. Oh, and to buy those fucking pots and pans.

But, overall, this week has not been a complete failure. I didn’t hole up every single night, I don’t feel unsafe, and I don’t feel wildly homesick (yet). So. There’s hope.

And with that, I’ll see you next week x

Song of the week: